


A Simple, Better Life

by Olos



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex, QPRs, Rape, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Sickness, Starvation, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-06 16:16:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16391015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olos/pseuds/Olos
Summary: This was originally a thought experiment based on my work, "A Simple, Tragic Life", and that shows in some of this, but I hope it isn't too similar!The premise is like that of "A Simple, Tragic Life", but more people/Western-Middle-Earthan refugees like Gandalf and hobbits come to Gandalf and Radagast's home, and they make a small village.Read that work above, I make a bunch of references to it.





	1. What's Ahead

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is just a description of what's ahead!

It was about two months in to staying with Aiwendil when I made the proposal.  
I had just gotten over my illness that had been born of running, panicked, at night from what I know now were phantoms. In fact, I thought of the idea when I lay abed sick, reflecting on my luck on finding Aiwendil again.  
Aiwendil was, of course, hesitant, and understandably so; for a larger settlement would attract unwanted attention, but eventually, he gave in.  
For a while, around two months, I watched the trading road that leads to the local town, and eventually my patience won.

Our first group was four hobbits and a Rohirric teen. The hobbits were twin men, Collin and Evans, and two women, seemingly married, Belle and Pepper. The Rohirric girl was Illianne, but grew to be called Lillie, especially by Pippin, to whom she married eventually.  
The next bundle of folks was a group of Rohirric women, with two small boys. They came a few months after Illianne and the hobbits, and they bore with them, somehow, chickens and goats, and so we had fresh eggs and milk and rarely, meat.  
Next came a group of Gondorian farmers, bearing farm tools and seeds, and we made a garden, and then small farms, and we had harvest festivals and planting festivals when circumstances permitted.  
Next came elven folk from Imladris, and to my delight Elrond and Elladan were among them. (I will return to this, and elaborate.)  
Finally came the arms shipment, once bound for Mordor, but the men bearing it, looking to be from around Dale, turned rebel and arrived at our doorstep. My companions, naturally, did not want to take them in, thinking them a liability, but given they had no where else to go, we took them in, and we got the weapons many of us were lacking.

This town never got very big, even just before it fell, during Dagor Dagorath, its’ population was never more than a couple hundred.  
We lived in a fairly flat, comparatively lush expanse of forest, with small hills in the outer reaches. Foraging was easy enough, and there was largely enough wood to build the new houses and furniture that we needed every so often.  
The structure turned out to be very communal, with everyone working to fill common storehouses for food and spare clothing. There was no money with us, and we bartered with the local town to our east if we couldn’t make anything ourselves, largely metal tools and yarn, thread and cloth. All the land and items that came under our protection was communal, save for each person or family’s home, and things within the home, but those too were shared freely if they wanted, and often were.  
While Aiwendil, Elrond and I did become leaders of the village, we were never lords, (although I would sometimes address Elrond as Lord out of habit or sarcasm) merely councilors for what could be done, only giving orders in times of crisis. The villagers would often address us by ‘Councilor’ as a title.

We had changed, Elrond and Sam and Merry and Pippin and I. Only Aiwendil was spared the bulk of the trauma first hand, and thus stayed mostly the same, albeit he became more of a caretaker.

Elrond grew a grumpy, seemingly uncaring shell in which he hid often, and snarked a lot. However, once past the shell, he was vulnerable and gentle as he was rarely before. He was, when in private, more accepting to touch, and bared his emotions more than he did in Imladris.

Sam changed a lot. He became somewhat mute, often quiet and in speech he used small words and sentences, or under distress he preferred noise and gesture to words at all. He also got timid, nervous, at least in the manner where he needed much reassurance that he was safe, and he greatly enjoyed being carried around and held. (This was not just for comfort but also wounds and breaks in his legs that never healed, and thus it pained him when he walked long.) Indeed he was carried, or otherwise guided to most places, unless he was working on the farms we had. There he worked studiously and cleverly, coming up with a lot of the ideas and methods we used. He also grew very attached to Elrond, who cared deeply for him in return, preferring him as his primary caregiver, calling him ‘Ada’ (he called me ‘Gand’. He addressed Aiwendil as ‘Rada’ as in Radagast. He was prone to use these titles, probably from tiredness, distress or his muteness, but he would sometimes, especially with strangers, use our full names). Finally, he had developed a terrible fear of any and all spiders, the very sight of one enough to make him cry with panic. This, of course, gave me an idea for Frodo’s fate, which in turn gave me more grief and more than one bout of panic.

Merry grew stern, and absent, and he too became quieter, but he spoke more often and fluently than Sam. At first I was worried at how absent and out-of-focus he was, but it didn’t seem to distress him, so I figured it didn’t matter too much. I presume he also had nightmares, as occasionally Aiwendil and I would wake up to find Merry with us, sleeping silently. Merry did not appear to have much preference in caregiver, but more often he would be against Aiwendil than I when he snuck in.

Pippin became open with his emotions, expressing them freely. This transferred to his nightmares, where he would wake, and cry and gasp and shake. Before the village, and for the first year or so of the village, Aiwendil and I would be wakened by crying coming from next door, or padding feet and sobs, or for Elrond’s first month, being handed a tearful hobbit by a bleary eyed Elrond. After that, Elrond, and then Lillie after she married Pippin, largely could comfort him, but occasionally Aiwendil and I would be handed Pippin if Elrond or Lillie could not cope, or if Pippin asked for us. Pippin also was shy, less vibrant and less likely to make mischief, which worried me, but I understood that it probably could not be helped, and eventually, he would have to grow out of it.

I got to be very much less stern and mysterious, more open with my emotions and my affection, far more open to starting physical contact. Indeed I was openly affectionate with Aiwendil, kissing him in the street, and openly showing my love for him. I also got shy, and more apologetic, softer as Elrond put it. My inclination towards mercy became far more pronounced, and I would favor the most merciful and blameless option, even if it was illogical, except for myself. I eventually got slightly sick on the rare occasions when I had beef or other heavy meat, as my stomach had adjusted to a diet without it. My anxiousness, while always there, also got more pronounced, and in the safety of the village I let myself show it, pacing, fidgeting, and crying, and accepting the comfort that followed.

The first birth came before Elrond came, one of the Rohirric women said she had lost her husband on the road, and I suspect she conceived soon before. At first, we thought she was sickly, but soon her stomach grew, and around eight months of the village, and perhaps seven months of her being here, she gave birth. It was, thankfully, not a complicated birth, allowing Aiwendil and I to mainly watch and encourage-but then again, we didn’t know midwifery, so we could not have done much more. She had a healthy girl, who grew swiftly into a feisty woman who often lead hunting or patrol parties when she came of age.

Aiwendil had the first bedrest requiring illness, a stubborn cold from when he ended up freezing and stranded away from home for two days around one year into the village’s history.

Aiwendil also took the next illness, stomach issues followed up by a very high fever, and without Elrond there to nurse and heal him with me and to tell me, “You sleep right now Mithrandir, you need to care for yourself,” I could have very well collapsed in healing Aiwendil, and from the worry over him, and fallen ill or even died myself.

The next major incident came around the three year mark, fairly soon after Aiwendil’s harrowing illness. Indeed there were two incidents, one internal, started, but most definitely did not end with me attempting my own life, and one external, which was an orc party threatening us, that happened back to back. Aiwendil and I married around this time as well.

The next major incident came about six years in, when Saruman found me in my refuge, and scared me and marred me again, and though his ultimate purpose was foiled, and he slew mid marring by Elrond, he left me with new scars, both bodily and in soul.

At ten years there was a terrible blight on our crops, and so through the winter we starved, and I nearly died, driving Aiwendil and Elrond to go beg at the nearby town for food and medicine to keep me alive.

Twelve years in and the final memorable incident before Dagor Dagorath, Gríma, once counselor to King Theoden and then traitor and self proclaimed heir to Saruman tried to take me for his use, mar me, but did not succeed, but in the process wounded me gravely.

For my own sake, I do not think I will tell of the death of the hobbits dearest to me. However, soon after, Aiwendil and I entered into a sort of in-between partnership with Elrond on top of our own marriage, where we would share a bed, kiss chastely and hold each other more often, but nothing else, save one time where we three slept with each other, but in the morning decided to not do it again. We lived as such until the end of days, as we missed the affection of the hobbits, and needed more, and decided to forgo what norms were set to us and simply do what we needed.


	2. Elrond's Arrival

When Elrond arrived, he was at the back of his party with his remaining child. He came with two healers and two guards, and they introduced themselves to us. While they were speaking, I caught a glimpse of more elves through the crowd of my folk and newcomers, and went to welcome them. Then, I recognized them.

“Elrond!” I cried, running forward and embracing him.

“What the- _Mithrandir?!_ ” He cried loudly back, stepping away from me as he did so.

“When on earth were you a hugger? In public too!” He asked.

“When on earth were you one to yell?” I countered.

“Actually, that’s a recent habit.”

“So is mine.”

We paused, and looked at each other a while.

“Time has changed us both so swiftly,” he sighed.

“Indeed it has.”

I saw Elladan, looking on at us but not speaking, and I realized I saw only him out of Elrond’s four kids.

“Is Elladan the only one…?” I trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish tactfully.

“Yes, he’s the only one,” Elrond nodded sadly, “unless Estel…?”

I shook my head in return.

“No, I have long presumed him dead. I’m sorry.”

Elrond looked slightly crushed. 

“I am the only one,” said Elladan, voice heavy.

I slipped an arm around Elrond, and he let me stay there.

“Elrond! How have you been?” Aiwendil joined us, and smiled brightly.

“I’ve…not been awful, but goodness knows it has been a hard road here,” said Elrond.

“What happened? I would have hoped you would go for Aman, now that things have gone sour,” said Aiwendil.

“Well…Sauron overran the Grey Havens before coming to take over Imladris, so escape that way was impossible. Once he besieged Imladris it was over. Even…Arwen fought.” He paused, and tears formed in his eyes.

He took a deep breath, and I squeezed his shoulder sympathetically.

“I was fully ready to die fighting in the siege, as the rest of the city was going to do. But Elladan convinced me to escape by a hidden exit, because he said that another people needed me, and so taking a few people we fled. We met a messenger, said couple of wizards were making a town and that we ought to go, so we came here with haste.”

“Funny you should mention another people needing you,” I said, “because it turns out I have no idea how to plan out a town.”

“Oh?” He asked. “I guess I could help you there.” He quirked an eyebrow, and smiled sarcastically through his grief.

“Yes, I believe you could.” I raised my own eyebrow in return, and grinned openly.

“Come on, sweetheart, catch up later. Let’s get these good folk settled,” Aiwendil said softly to me.

Aiwendil took my face in one of his hands and guided me into a kiss, and I let go of Elrond to cup Aiwendil in return. I smiled into him, and felt a beam of sunlight land on my cheek.

“Excuse me?!” Cried Elrond.

We broke apart, and I took Aiwendil’s hand and slipped slightly in front of him, wary.

“Excuse you?” I asked, cautious and protective.

“I-easy! No judgement,” Elrond reassured, having read my reaction, “but you two are…married?!”

“No, we’re not married…we’re…um….” I trailed off, because then I did not know what we were, what our relationship could have been called.

Elrond looked at us, doubting my words.

“Well, I can say you are something other than friends,” he assured, before he swept off to reorganize his folk and get them settled. 

“Couple indeed,” I heard through the crowd. I shook my head and smiled.


	3. Blizzard-ly Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the cold that Aiwendil gets after being stranded in a storm.

Aiwendil had left two days earlier one late fall day to go trade for some tools, and when evening of the first day, the day he was due back, came, it came with harsh snow and wind, and Aiwendil hadn’t yet returned after another day and a half, and I was coming down from my second bout of panic over his absence, the first being had the first night he was gone, when I was left with no bed partner for the first time in two years, and the second being mid-afternoon of his second day being absent.

“Mithrandir, it is alright, I am sure he’s still alive,” Elrond, sitting besides me as I struggled to get back stability, reassured me that my fears were groundless.

“But we don’t know that,” I lamented, and sniffled. “He could be dead, we have no way to tell for certain, he could have died in the cold miserable and I need him, Elrond, I need him I need him I-“

“Mithrandir,” Elrond tried again, setting a hand on my shoulder. I hiccuped mournfully.

Footsteps crunched through the fresh snow to the door, and I looked up, suppressing hope.

The door swung open and there stood Aiwendil, tools in his small bag and snow on his winter cap and robe, his face pale in the cold.

He stepped inside and started to close the door as my yet anxiety-clouded mind registered what was going on.

Then, shock retreating, I sprang up and ran for him, and clutching him in my arms I kissed him needfully, and quickly I worried about the chill on his lips.

He kissed back more gently, then took a step back and looked at me.

“Olórin, how are- are you alright?” His tone grew worried as he took in my face.

I hesitated, before stuttering while kissing him, “No-I’m not-sorry-I need you-please, Aiwendil-“

He stepped back, keeping a hold on my arms, and looked at me concerned.

“Olórin, what is wrong? Are you alright?”

“No, I’m anxious, and needlessly, I am a fool for-“

“Stop, no, it is alright to be worried, and just because your fears were not true does not mean you should not have worried. I presume, by your reaction, that you worried about me?” I nodded sheepishly. “I was away for two days for a reason Olórin, my experience was not a kindly one.”

“Oh, Aiwendil,” I said fretfully, pulling him back in protectively and guiding his head to hide in my shoulder, but he just squeezed me and pulled back, brushing hair from my face.

“My experience was not as bad as you might fear. The worst that happened is that I wore myself out trying to walk home in the blizzard, and so turning back to the other town I…” he trailed off, suddenly remembering something. I looked to him anxiously.  
“Might have…collapsed…just outside, and kept there for a day to recover…” he finished at a mutter, embarrassed.

“No!” I cried, and flung my arms around him and wept anew.

“Shhh, I am alright now, worry for yourself,” he murmured to me.

I hid myself in his shoulder, and he held me there and murmured gently, “There, seek your safety, you will be alright.”

“Please, will you be alright?” I asked shakily into him.

“Yes, I think I shall be,” he said confidently, gently, “but what about you? Are you feeling alright?”

“I feel…slightly faint?” I wavered and leant into him, knees bent, and his hands took hold of me and after a moment of straining and a grunt he held me in his arms and smiled down to me.

I pulled myself up him and kissed him in thanks before a sudden anxiety hit me.

“Aiwendil, put me down, you just collapsed!” I objected.

“I have rested enough, Olórin, and you are faint, no? Let me hold you.” He turned his head suddenly and coughed and I once again grew worried about him, and looked to his face, eyes wide.

“Just a tickle in my throat,” he said quickly and readjusted me in his arms. I snuggled close and smiled.

“Come, you ought to rest properly,” he suggested, and carried me into our room. Elrond, as I passed him by, I noticed he looked very awkward, as if unused to affection in front of him, but at that point, he had not been with us a month, so he probably had not.

I heard him get up and leave as I was lain on my bed. I quickly pulled the covers up and around myself, and when Aiwendil joined me I drew close to him and kissed him again.

“Please, Aiwendil, I need you-“ I kissed him yet again “-I missed you.”

“Oh Olórin, I missed you too, I wished you were there, with me.”

“Oh, I wish that now too,” I sympathized.

“You would have been so anxious.” Aiwendil cupped my cheek.

“But I wish I could have been there, held you, nursed you, cared for you, not to leave you with strangers,” I lamented.

“Strangers they might have been, they were kindly to me. I was alri-i-“ Suddenly he yawned, and his hand left me to stretch up.

“You say you are rested enough, but somehow, I doubt that, Aiwendil,” I murmured, and pressed my lips to his.

He responded, lips sleepy against mine, and some emotion, foreign to me at that time, welled up in my breast and I kissed him further and held him tight.

He snuggled close to my chest in response and relaxed.

“It feels good to hear you say my name,” Aiwendil expressed drowsily into the silence.

“Then, Aiwendil, I shall endeavor to say it more often.” I curled around him and I felt him smile in my arms.

A moment later, I felt his breathing even out and his body relax entirely, and the foreign emotion swelled again, and resting my forehead to the crown of his head I held him dear until I followed him to sleep.

/

The next morning, I was awoken by a soft sneeze.

“Good morning,” I murmured into the pillow before I rolled out of bed and looked at Aiwendil. He had one hand over his nose and discomfort in his eyes.

“Aiwendil? Are you alright?” I asked.

“I think so, but my nose has much pressure in it-“ he sneezed again, “-Oh! But sneezing relieves it a bit-“ yet another sneeze, “-yes, it’s going down. I’ll be alright.”

Three more sneezes in rapid succession, and Aiwendil let out a noise of surprise and awe.

“Goodness,” I said, pulling on my day-robe, “Are you feeling ill?”

“Perhaps?” He sneezed. “I am very tired and my nose still feels-“ a loud sneeze, “-funny. I wish this would stop!”

“So do I,” I sympathized, brushing out my hair.

He sneezed thrice more, the last one loud enough to wake the village. His face went pale and he slowly removed his hand from his nose, to reveal a splatter of blood.

“Uh-oh,” he whispered as a dribble of blood started out of his nose.

“I will go get you something for that,” I said quickly before hustling off to grab a spare cloth and going back to hold it to Aiwendil’s nose.

“There you go, it’s alright,” I soothed, smoothing his hair back with my free hand.

“Thank you,” he said, “but you ought to go eat something Olórin, it is breakfast time.”

As if to prove his point, Pippin walked into the kitchen and called, “Gandalf, Radagast, it’s breakfast time!”

“I’ll be right out Pippin,” I called back, and I was made to trust that Aiwendil wouldn’t bleed out in the next thirty minutes or so.

I met Pippin in the kitchen.

“Where’s Radagast?” He asked.

“He’s got a nosebleed right now, so he’s staying in bed for now,” I explained.

“Oh,” he said sympathetically.

Slowly everyone else trickled in and we made breakfast, I setting aside a serving to bring to Aiwendil, who had yet to appear.

After I had eaten, I took my leave and took in breakfast to Aiwendil.

“I noticed you weren’t up yet,” I said in explanation as I walked in.

“Awh, Olórin you didn’t have to, thank you so much,” Aiwendil gushed in return, and in my turn I handed his him plate and fork and kissed his forehead.

“Eat now,” I prompted, “But how are you feeling?”

Aiwendil swallowed a bite before saying, “Well my nose has stopped bleeding, but I do feel just ill. I do not feel up to anything much at all.”

“You do not have to do anything at all, especially if you’re ill,” I stated, “you just rest, you’ve had a rocky past few days. Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No, I do not wish to keep you from your duties any longer than I must,” Aiwendil smiled wryly, “but don’t you forget about me,” he finished, mock-sternly.

“Oh, Aiwendil,” I said softly, shocked he would suggest I ever could, “never, ever.” I opened my arms for a hug, and once he set aside his food I took him in my arms and held him tight to my chest. He responded, nuzzling in and wrapping his arms around my waist. I found myself kissing the top of his head as that foreign feeling crept back through my chest and settled as a blush on my face.

“Thank you,” he murmured, detaching himself and going back to his food.

“Of course,” I replied just as quietly. A pause emanated.

“Here, let me take the cloth, if you’re done,” I suggested, and Aiwendil gave me the cloth, now thoroughly reddened.

“I’ll send someone along in an hour or so,” I stated, and Aiwendil nodded and I left to go preform my duties.

/

He remained in bed for that day and the next, thoroughly tired and mildly fevered as his nose continued to plague him, though never as badly as it did that first morning.


End file.
